My overall impression of the paper was that you understand how writing is incorporated into communications, but you seemed rushed. I think if you were to expand on your ideas, you could have a lot stronger content within your writing. I made some grammatical corrections for you to help lead the way. For improvement I would try building up what you are going to talk about, add in your summarization or quote, then elaborate on it. You have provided many great ideas but give up on them quickly and don't give much of an explanation. Also, instead of using quotes, I would use more summarization since that is what APA formatted papers call for. I would also change your Works Cited page to a Reference page and format it correctly so you do not lose points on the final paper for formatting errors. Also, cite your sources throughout the writing as well. Although I was not sure of exactly what your points were vs what you found in sources, I tried to help you find where you need to cite things to avoid plagiarism. I have marked where you should elaborate within your paper along with things you should take out or say less on. You have a lot of good ideas included! So far, so good! Let me know if you want any other revision help after you go back through the first round of it.
hi haha
ReplyDeleteMy overall impression of the paper was that you understand how writing is incorporated into communications, but you seemed rushed. I think if you were to expand on your ideas, you could have a lot stronger content within your writing. I made some grammatical corrections for you to help lead the way.
ReplyDeleteFor improvement I would try building up what you are going to talk about, add in your summarization or quote, then elaborate on it. You have provided many great ideas but give up on them quickly and don't give much of an explanation. Also, instead of using quotes, I would use more summarization since that is what APA formatted papers call for. I would also change your Works Cited page to a Reference page and format it correctly so you do not lose points on the final paper for formatting errors. Also, cite your sources throughout the writing as well. Although I was not sure of exactly what your points were vs what you found in sources, I tried to help you find where you need to cite things to avoid plagiarism.
I have marked where you should elaborate within your paper along with things you should take out or say less on. You have a lot of good ideas included! So far, so good! Let me know if you want any other revision help after you go back through the first round of it.